5 Characteristics of Those Friends You Do Life With

“Your son is standing on my front porch in his underwear.”

This is an actual text I sent to one of my best friends. It was 7 am on a Saturday.  Her son, around 8 years old at the time, is one of BoyChild’s best friends. This was the morning after a sleepover for the kids. It was summer, he was wearing boxer briefs and we live in the country, so it wasn’t a big deal. It was just really funny.

His family is part of the group of friends we do life with. Among acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and even best friends, there are those people that are truly a part of our lives: Those Friends You Do Life With

1. They’ve Seen Your Messy House

You know the feeling. A friend texts and says they’re in the area and planning to come by your place. Maybe they’re dropping off something. Maybe they want to see the new farmhouse decor you’ve raved about on social media. Maybe it’s just a visit… It doesn’t really matter why. Cue the panicked flight of picking up toys, clothes, books, shoes, and throwing them in the nearest room with a door that can be closed. You run a cursory route with the broom and hastily wipe up crumbs. Grimacing at the sink full of dishes, you let your friend in the door apologizing for the mess. You’re embarrassed, you’re mad at yourself for your lack of housekeeping skills, and you can almost hear the mental judgment from your friend. 

Those friends you do life with won’t judge.

Once my friend was going on a business trip with one of my neighbors. The neighbor was picking her up at my house where she would leave her car parked while they were out of town. I wasn’t home during the meet-up. My friend texted to tell me she was going into my house to use the bathroom before she was picked up. (Bonus: They know how to get into your house when you’re not there.) I quickly texted her back to suggest she use the bathroom in my bedroom instead of the main bathroom, mostly used by the kids. I knew my bathroom was freshly cleaned. I also knew she would have to step over the mountain of clothes that were piled up to donate. I knew she would walk past my unmade bed, have to dodge good-natured kisses from the English shepherd while following a trail of shed corgi hair all the way to the bathroom.

I also knew she wouldn’t judge. She would be grateful I redirected her from a toilet privy to a little boy’s lack of aiming abilities. She would see the pile of discarded clothes and know that her daughter was about to gain some hand-me-downs. She would scratch behind the dog’s ears and refresh the water bowl for me. This is a friend you do life with.

2. They Love Your Kids

Like, truly love your kids. 

All parents have been in a situation where their kid is in a mood, does something embarrassing, repeats something inappropriate, vomits in public, or any number of happenstances with regard to offspring. 

Those friends you do life with are in elbow-deep with you during those kid-centered situations.

GirlChild sometimes gets nervous before entering the livestock show ring. Experience proves that my well-intentioned pep talks just make her more anxious. We have discovered that one of our friends, also the dad of Girl&BoyChild’s friends, has the perfect approach to calming her down and getting her to focus. If I’m being honest, it stings just a little. I’d like to be the one instilling that self-confidence. But I’m very thankful we have friends that understand what our kids need and are eager to support them. 

There are truly countless examples of our friends stepping in to help parent our little brood. Like the time BoyChild was bouncing in an inflatable at a cookout only to exit the toy with his tooth through his lip. He came running to me with tears, snot, and mouth blood. I do not do well with mouth blood. Knowing this, my friend grabbed my kid, pressed a stack of red-checked napkins to his mouth, and then turned him into my arms. That’s a friend you do life with. (BoyChild was fine by the way, and bouncing again in no time.)

Those friends who will correct, encourage, stand up for, laugh with, cry with, take care of, feed, and love your kids are the people worth having in your life. If you have friends who can truly step in for you with regard to your kids, hold on to them.

3. They Have Shared Interests

The friends you do life with could be the parents you spend countless hours with on back-breaking bleachers while rooting for your kids’ travel ball team or cheer squad. Maybe they are the people in your church small group. Or a particularly close group of coworkers. Perhaps you’re part of a lucky group of high school or college buddies that manage to keep their friend group together through all of life’s changes.

Our friends we do life with have agriculture in common. We’re all farm kids and current farmers. Many of us grew up together and all of our kids show livestock. Our conversations center around cows, sheep, and inside jokes. It’s very probable that passersby will hear us talking about semen tanks or manure. We love to hang out but we all know it’s not going to happen during hay cutting or calving season. We also work together at livestock shows. We travel together, eat together, haul one another’s kids, you know, basically do life. 

4. You Let Down Your Guard

Forced conversations with people you don’t feel comfortable with are the worst. The kind with a not-so-natural smile plastered on your face. You might nod and “mmhhhmm” every now and then. Maybe you even add some insight or opinion to the conversation, but you are uncomfortable or at the very least bored. And the awkward silences… cringe!!!

Those friends you do life with don’t require you to be guarded.

One of my life-long friends and I were on a group conference call. We were both trying to express our opinions on the matter at hand, while being on our best, most professional behavior. Once the conference call was over, my friend immediately called me back privately. When I answered the phone, he was laughing – hysterically. We didn’t exactly agree with the decisions made by the group on the conference call, so I was a little confused at what he thought was so funny. When he finally recovered enough from his hilarity, he said, “You sounded so FAKE!”. I was shocked. “What?!!” I countered. “I did not!” I thought I had been very thorough and professional on the call but I did have my guard up. He wasn’t used to hearing that from me so he was able to pick up on my restraint by just the tone of my voice. And found it highly entertaining.

5. They Show Up

“If there is anything I can do, just let me know.” 

How many times have we heard a statement like this from acquaintances, friends, or well-wishers? How many times have we said it? Often the person making this statement truly means it. Other times, it seems to be an automatic response to someone who has expressed how busy they are or has endured a life-changing event. 

Those friends you do life with show up to do those “anythings.”

Every five years we host a huge multi-generation family reunion at our place. There are a lot of great-aunts & uncles and cousins of every age. At the last reunion, boasting around 150 attendees, the youngest was only a few months old and the oldest was 96. 

Our place isn’t the most centrally located, we are not the wealthiest family members and we don’t have the most modern home of the bunch. We do have a farm with room to roam and opportunities our cousins may not have where they live like hayrides and snuggling with baby lambs. Our place is also a “home place” where many relatives grew up and others have very fond childhood memories. Plus, we love being the hosts. 

I’ll admit, though, it’s a lot of work. Landscaping, pressure washing, cleaning, and home improvements ramp-up heavily during the year of the reunion.

I was particularly stressed before the last reunion. I was worried we wouldn’t get done with everything I wanted to accomplish between little league, livestock shows, farming, work, and all things life. I lamented to two of my best friends, who happen to be sisters. They said they would help me landscape the next weekend. I told them they didn’t have to help. They said, “We know we don’t have to, we’re coming.” And they did.

They showed up the next Saturday with five kids in tow (one has 2 kids, one has 3 kids). Their kids played with BoyChild and GirlChild all day. The mommas shoveled pea gravel, spread mulch, raked, toted, hauled, and even helped build an arch for our grapevine. 

These friends worked with me on my landscaping all day long for a party to which they weren’t even invited. The only things they got for their trouble was a huge, very appreciative thank you and steak dinner grilled by the husband.

It really just boils down to….

Those friends you do life with make it a little bit easier to do life well.